Let's Talk Insecurity Part 2: Friends

Here is a picture of some of my sweet friends from this year's Sunday School Class girls weekend. Each one is so unique and special. I am blessed to know them.

Poll Follow up:

The results from our Insecurity Poll: Which area of insecurity impacts you the most? are as follows:

Fear of Rejection: 26 percent

Appearance: 31 percent

Concern/Worry about the Future: 42 percent

Low self esteem/self worth: 0 percent

Although I was surprised not to see any votes for low self worth/self esteem, I am not surprised to see that Worry tops this list. I suppose this is why God has so many verses in the bible instructing us not to worry. He knows this is a very difficult area for us. Let me share a few verses with you.

Matthew 6:25-27 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved

Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

For those of you who struggle with worry about the future, I want to encourage you to take one or more of these verses and put them to memory or write it down and put it in a place where you can see it often like your bathroom mirror so that when Worry takes over, you can fight it off by reciting the verse. Remember, God is in control and all the worry in the world cannot change what He has in store for you.

Now, on to part two: Friends impact on Insecurity
When I was younger, like most girls, my happiness was largely based on what others thought about me. Oh, how I wish I could go back and tell myself that the "mean girls" opinions of me don't really matter. But, they did. I was often picked on for being the tallest girl in the class (they called me Big Bird), the most naive, a goodie goodie. Although those were all good attributes, they caused me to be left out and often overlooked. I often faced feelings of rejection over simple things like not being asked to attend a birthday party or a Halloween party when everyone else I knew was going. I specifically remember a group of girls calling me from a party just to make sure I knew that I was not invited. Ouch! Thankfully, that time of my life is over, but unfortunately, the impact from how I was treated early in life still remains. Can you relate?

How does this impact me and those like me today? Here is one way. With blogging and face book, it is easy to see when a group of my friends are getting together for dinner or to go and watch a movie or play at a park with their kids. Pictures from the event are posted and written about. I often find myself wondering why I wasn't asked to attend this event or that dinner. Then I am taken back to my younger years and start wondering if there is something about me that my friends today don't like. Maybe I am not pretty enough, or well dressed enough, or interesting enough. Maybe I talk to much or too little? Why don't they like me I say to myself!!!! REJECTION REJECTION REJECTION! AHHHHHH!

Well, after calming down and really getting a grip on myself, I realize that what I am dealing with has nothing to do what my friends not liking me, it is good ol' INSECURITY! Satan often uses face book or blog post photo's to stir up past pain so that I can live there instead of in the present where I know I am liked and loved. Satan wants me to focus on my own self loathing rather that living out the life God has planned for me. I have to go to the Lord when those old wounds arise and ask him to remind me that I am worthy and special and loved by Him.

John 10:10 (NASB)The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

As I look at that precious group of friends from my girls retreat, I realize that I do not live in the past. These girls don't judge me. They don't call me names. They don't intentially leave me out. We may all look different, weigh different and although I sure wish I could dress myself like Rachel and Meagan, those girls still like me even if my clothes don't match or if I eat too many potato chips. I don't have to be invited to every dinner outing or be included in every event to know my friends care about me (wow, wouldn't that be exhausting :) Not being in a face book photo doesn't mean they didn't want me or that they don't like me, it just means that a group of girls got together for dinner, and if I would like to attend with them next time, I just need to ask :) And maybe I need to consider planning an outing with a friend who just might be feeling like me :) And if face book and blogging is getting me down, maybe I just need to turn off the computer :) Maybe you need to turn it off too :)

If you are struggling with insecurity caused by your friends, ask yourself if this is driven by issues from the past. If so, lift that up to God. Ask him to help you forgive those who hurt you and to heal you from those painful memories. Lay those feelings of rejection at the feet of Jesus. If you find that you are comparing yourself to your friends today- if you feel like you don't measure up, remember that God made YOU just they way you are and that you are NOT supposed to look or act like everyone else. Ask God to encourage you and to give you confidence in yourself. God will ALWAYS answer you.

And if you are ever feeling left out and need someone to listen to you or encourage you, know that I am always just an email or phone call and a cup of coffee away! I think your special and God does too!

1 John 5:14 (NASB) This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.